Leaked SLC letter to Samaraweera

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After initially refusing to accept Thilan Samaraweera's retirement, the Sri Lankan cricket board only changed its mind after learning that a damning letter in response to the batsman's original request was to be leaked today, according to a source. The following is the letter:

Dear Mr Samaraweera
We thank you for expressing interest in conducting the affairs of your life in a manner of your own choosing and at a time best suited to your own interests. Unfortunately we cannot agree to your request at this time, as it does not suit our own interests. So, um, yeah. No. Just... no.

There is no need to despair, however. We have many activities that we arrange for players denied their rightful retirement. Might we suggest taking an exotic vacation with the rest of the team, where you can continue in your advanced age to flounder at the crease against top-quality fast bowling in such a way that is comically sad and unbefitting of a player of your calibre and reputation?

We thank you for your interest, and wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavours with us, and only us.

Signed,

Sri Lanka Cricket

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